Where I am a badass and sweat a lot

KBs outside, at the park down the street. First time for that - I get very self conscious working out in front of people, but I figure if I want to be an RKC and teach, I had better get over it. 

I brought the two 8kg and the 12kg. Since I'm doing yoga later, I left the 16kg at home. I started with a warm up of 40 single transfers with the 8kg. Then moved on to the 12kg, with one minute sets of single transfers, alternating with sets of 5 swings each before transferring. Let's see.... I think I did 2 30 second sets of double C&P, and then I started what I would like to call 'The Circle of Hell": There's a walking path that runs around the baseball field and the park itself. It's not huge, but I'd put it at maybe a half mile all the way around? Maybe a little more or less? I'm not good at estimating distance. Anyhoo, I did 5 swings R, snatched on the 5th, locked it out overhead, then walked 5 steps. Then stop, negative press, swing 5 again, snatch on the 5th, walk 10 steps, stop, negative press, swing to transfer, repeat on the other side. I would cycle through twice, then rest for 30 seconds, then go again. I did it until I reached my starting point. My total reps were 430. It was sunny. Not a lot of shade. It was fairly brutal, but in a good way. Raaaar! She Hulk maaaad!

I don't think I'm doing yoga until this evening - Dad has chemo today, and I'm supposed to bring him and Steven lunch. So, I'll shoot for the 5:30 class, which has my favorite instructor anyway. We'll see how I do. I'm curious.

Where I get back to our regularly scheduled programming

Inspired by Tracy, I decided to try a (very extreme) moderation of her latest routine, as it's what I like to do: swings! I could swing all day, every day. TGUs, snatches, C&P: these all take a little more motivation and effort for me.

I started with one minute work/rest sets with the 12kg. Starting with two handed, then single trans, then swinging 5 each arm, then 10 each arm. Then I switched up to the 16kg and did 30 second work/rest sets: two handed, then single trans, then 2 swings each, then 3 each, and that was as high as I could get at that weight. I think I did about 100 reps, give or take, at that weight. Then I went back to the 12kg and one minute sets, mostly swinging 10 before transferring until I hit 400. I suppose I could've done more, but I was feeling a little sore from yoga (no smugness here, no siree) and don't want to overdo to a point where I can't train. Anyhoo, so there it is. Addie has school tomorrow, so I'll get to walk in the morning - how novel, I don't have to wait until the kids are in bed! 

Where I go to yoga and get that smug look wiped the hell off my face

I got to have my favorite yoga instructor on earth tonight, so that was an extra special treat. Even though I haven't attended a class in almost 2 years, she greets me like she saw me last week. I sauntered into the studio, totally assured I was going to rock the mothf-ing house. Because, you know, I'm a kettlebell badass. Screw your weeny little poses, I swing heavy balls of steel (hee!)!

It only took about 10 minutes in for me to hit an 'oh, crap' moment. Now, some poses were easier than I remember, like backbends and triangle. I still rock any pose that requires standing on one leg (thank you, 10 years of ballet). But a lot (okay, all) of the lunges, pretty much anything that required my knee or knees to be bent for an extended period of time.... yowch! My knees feel a little on the weak side. They never hurt after Kbs, sometimes they ache after a long walk or jog. Maybe it's just age? Oy.

I did a great shoulder stand, too. Pre-kettlebells, a difficult pose for me. So I'd say I was about 50-50 on how I did. I can definitely tell my upper body is stronger, and my core is, too, but my flexibility? Nonexistent. But it will come back, I'm sure.

I'm hoping for 2 days a week. I think that's reasonable. Now, to be able to fit it in every week. Wish me luck.

400 reps, 12kg swings. 20 C&P, 20 snatches. one set of swings with 16kg (about 40/one minute).

That's it, it's late and I'm sleepy....

Workout post ad naseum

Swing night - I really wanted to walk, because a.) we're having wonderful weather and b.) I am totally in love with my ugly ass shoes. I absolutely heart them, with a big fuzzy, pink heart dotting the 'I'. So anyhoo, decided to test them with a KB workout. Perfect, loved it, as I had suspected I would. Here's the other thing with them, my feet don't get too hot or sweaty. I am a very sweaty foot girl, and that's one of the first things I look at in a shoe, is what the foot bed is made of. Shoes that are vinyl-y or slick looking are a no-no, especially in something without a sock. Another reason I love to go barefoot, no sweaty feet! I ran errands all day, and wore them for about 4 hours, and when I took them off, realized my feet were totally dry. Am I seriously talking about foot sweat this much? I have really GOT to get out more often!

Okay, so Kettlebells: 600 reps (!!!) Gymboss one minute on, one off. Amy, I took your advice and mixed the weights in each set - about half (20) with the 16 and another half (another 20) with the 12. I did a few sets of those, then alternated full one minute sets of the 12, then the 16. Yowch. I did, I think, 2 sets of C&P (double 8) and 2 sets (or was it 3?) snatches. I think I average 20 reps per minute with each of those. Last 150 swings were all 12kg. I have been experimenting with how it feels to swing two handed vs. one handed, singles transfers vs. swinging 5 or 10 reps per arm before transferring. Also, the 2 8kg are (obviously) the same weight as the one 16kg, but the weight is distributed differently. I'm starting to notice how my body works differently and other, subtle muscles I may not have been aware of (or had!) are used, depending on weight, number of reps, which arm, how long, etc. I'm feeling a stronger connectedness with my body that I haven't felt in a long time. I think being comfortable in your own skin is a really difficult point to reach. I have struggled for years with feeling not good enough, strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough. It's only been in these last few months of Dad being sick that has brought me to a deeper understanding of who I am.

I'm not talking the attitude one gets when they feel they don't belong, so they say 'well, screw all of them!' I mean a true level of acceptance that not everyone has to like you. All that matters is that YOU like you! Maybe it's my reprioritizing with having a parent with cancer. Maybe it's the wisdom of getting older. But I find lately, that despite the emotional hurricane I have been struggling with, I feel a certain amount of peace. People don't call me, I don't see anyone, nothing has changed in that regard, but what HAS changed is how I see it. I spend a lot of my free time with my Dad, and that's the most important thing right now.

 

I did a workout... I think Sunday? Forgot to post it, but it was 200 swings and such. Couldn't tell you the exact breakdown. 

Anyway, today was 395. I did 250 swings (sets of single transfers and then sets of 5 swings per arm before transferring- one minute sets) with the 12kg and then 100 swings with the 16kg (alternating sets of single trans and 2 handed swings- 30 second sets). The rest double C&P with the 8kg and snatches with the 8kg. Those double C&P nearly killed me, my shoulders feel shredded. 

I went for a walk the other night, unaware that there was an electrical storm brewing. I was about a mile from home when I noticed the crazy lightening not too far away. I decided to keep going and make it a quick walk, instead of my usual 5 mile trip. As I rounded a corner and thought to myself I had made a bad decision, I saw a car parked in the middle of the street. I realized it was my paranoid Mom, who is a weather freak and came looking for me. She said she had driven by me, but didn't think it was me at first because I looked so skinny - she thought I was a high school girl out walking! My Mom is not one to hand out compliments, but about every other day she tells me how great I look, and how KBs having really transformed my body. This is the first time in a long time that I look in the mirror and don't totally pick myself apart. Too bad the rest of my life sucks.

workout Post

325 reps - can't up the weights without sacrificing the numbers.

I actually restarted my gymboss after swinging 20 reps with the 8kg. I was in a pissy mood anyway, and it was doing nothing for me. I thought 'this is bullshit. Up your fucking weight already!' So I restarted my gymboss and went with the 12kg. 200 swings with that - mostly alternating between sets of single transfers, and single swings of 5 per arm (one minute sets). Then 100 singles with the 16kg. I finished off with a mish mosh of snatches and C&P with the 12kg. I really need to not wait until the end when I'm tired to do snatches. Especially with a heavier weight. Ow.

Where I feel like a badass and still am pissy.

600 swings - I think the first 2 sets (one minute sets as usual, approx 40 reps in a swing set, 20 reps in a snacth set) were with the 8kg, one set of swings and one of snatches, then I switched up to the 12kg, where I alternated between single transfers, and swinging 5 or 10 times per arm before transferring. Do I make sense? Sometimes I feel like I don't make any sense when I try to describe my routines. I never plan before hand what I'm going to do, and then if I don't blog right away, I forget exactly what the breakdown was. Anyway, somewhere in there I got 14o swings with the 16kg. Singles. One full one minute set (OUCH) and then the last 100 swings were with the 16- broken down in 30 second sets. My grip was shot towards the end. In fact, it's hurting even to type. I wish the handle wasn't so wide on the 16kg. I have tiny ass hands. 

I am fucking exhausted. I can't even begin to verbalize it - there's just so much expected of me these days, it takes superhuman planning to carve out any time for myself whatsoever. I have had moments where I have honestly wondered if I'm going to wind up in a psych ward for a few days. It's been that bad. And it's nothing I can speak of to my family or even that many people close to me. I'm raved about as the good daughter, the good wife, I'm expected to play my dutiful role and not complain. Most days I just feel so very alone. In the beginning, when you have a sick family member, people rush in to help. They call all the time, bring food, offer to take meals. But as time goes on, the novelty wears off. No one calls - not even the person who IS sick. So my Dad sits alone most days, staring off into space. I take on the responsibility of entertaining him, keeping him busy. My mom is hanging by a thread, and I feel I have to help her. I know I have to help her. But it's just her and me. No one calls me anymore. (I'm not counting you, Hillary. You were like, the only one to call and say 'please let me help') I'm starting to feel a little bitter. There are women who I truly thought were my friends, and it's like I don't exist. 

A lot of times people don't know what to say. They don't want to hear anything depressing. I never know what to say when people do ask how things are. Do they want the truth? Do they want to know that my Dad has gone through a complete personality change? Do they want to know that he takes his anger and frustration out on me and my Mom? That he has suffered brain damage from the tumors and will never be the same? And finally, despite this good news, do they want the balls out truth - that this disease is not curable, and it will kill him eventually. 

No, no one wants to hear it. But that's what it is. It's a terrible, ugly disease that takes over everyone's life. We are all consumed. And we are all very much alone. I wish I blog this on the CaringBridge site, but God forbid. I have to blow sunshine out my ass there, when most days, I want to cry. 

Workout Post

400 swings. Mostly 12kg, experimented with number of swings per arm before transferring. Did 5/5, then 10/10, at one point switched to the 8kg and did 40/40 (a 2 minute swing set - yowch!) Did just a small set with the 16kg.

I've been so tired lately, and not eating well. Hence, the lack of exercising. I got some ambien form my shrink, and made a conscious effort to actually eat yesterday ( I even had breakfast!) and felt decent enough to workout last night.

We get the results to Dad's scans tomorrow. I'm praying for good news, but I don't know what to think.

KB workout

(this was yesterday, didn't have time to post) 

400 reps, couldn't find my gymboss (because someone decided to use it and not put it back where it belongs! grrrr.....) so I had to wing it on the set times. Alternated between the 8kg and 12kg in sets of 50, threw in some double snatches, double C&P, squats with the 12kg, then the last 100 swings I did in sets of 20, single transfers, with the 16kg. Oh, hell yeah! My legs hurt today, but it's all good!

quickie

610 reps, mostly swings. Double swings with the two 8 kg were a killer for sure, talk about getting your heart rate up! Mixed up the weight - equal parts 8 kg, double 8 kg, and 12 kg. Did a few sets of snatches and double C&P. I have found that 2 handed swings are a lot harder for me to do than single swings/transfers. I have been noticing a straining feeling in my elbows when I do 2 handed swings. Not sure if it's the placement of my hands and arms or what, but I'm sticking with singles as much as possible.

My oldest has his 6th grade 'graduation' tonight. I can't believe he's going into Middle School next year. Where does the time go?

500 reps, willy-nilly, all over the place in terms of weight, combos, etc. Didn't keep track. This late in the day, I'm just damn lucky I got it in at all.

Starting to see noticeable differences in my upper body, especially since swinging heavier and snatching more. Feeling like my core is getting stronger, too. Standard push ups are getting easier, and I can hold a plank position for a crazy amount of time. So, life is crumbling all around me, but my body is looking great. Awesome.

Blerg

Kb workout - 520 reps. 400 single transfers with the 12kg, 100 snatches with the 8kg, 20 C&P with the 8kg.

More family crap hitting the fan- my 82 year old mean as fuck great Aunt fell and broke her hip, and is being, predictably, a giant pain in the ass. She. Hates. Us. For no real reason, other than that we're related. That's evidently reason enough. As if I need one more fucking thing on my plate right now. 

Thank God for kettlebells. The thing I love best about them is that it's the only time all day that my mind is blank. Even when I would do yoga, I always had a hard time clearing my head of the 'noise'. But with KBs, all I think about is moving the weight. That's it. It's so simple, so obvious, and it's the only moments where I am not worried, or frustrated, or sad. I just wish I had more time to devote to it. As it is, I'm lucky to get it in 3 times a week. 

I'm just so frustrated and over everything.

Kb workout

605 reps: 270 single transfers 8kg. 300 single transfers 12kg - switched because I'm noticing my heart rate is not going up from swinging a single 8kg. Remaining reps were 8kg snatches. Amazing how easy the snatches were after swinging heavier! 

Too tired to write more. G'night.

Workout post, inspired by Amy, sort of

Small swing set, only 400. I plan on a long walk tonight, and since I didn't get swinging until late, I didn't want to wear myself out before my walk. Anyway, mostly single transfers, alternating between the 8kg and 12kg, but I did manage one set (a minute) of two handed swings with the 16kg! I haven't touched that one in awhile, and I typically would only do sets of maybe 10 at a time. So, 40 in a row is a lot, for me! It was burning for sure! 

Off for my walk.

Another quickie...

One hour walk last night, at a fast clip (about 4 miles?) KB workout today, with Bryan, which slowed me down a bit. It was a mish-mosh of a workout, with sets of swings, snatches, farmer's walks, C&P, windmills, and lots of starting and stopping to correct his form (it's been awhile since he's swung consistently.) So, my total reps were 500. It's really hard for me to swing with anyone, I think it's because I 'get in the zone' and don't like to be distracted. But if I want to get certified, I'd better get used to it. I think next time, I'll have a routine planned out ahead of time, to cut back on the false starts. I placed an order for a second 8kg, my Mother's Day gift! I'm looking forward to double swings, double cleans, double snatches, it'll be fun!

Not much else. Tyler started his growth hormone shots, and he administers them himself, and he's doing awesome! It doesn't seem to faze him at all. School is almost out, just a few more weeks, which is hard to believe. The year has gone so quickly. Summer will be here soon, and we'll have our lazy days at the pool. I really hope Dad is well this summer. I hope he's still alive for my birthday (July 27th) and Addie's (August 6th). I know I will have many holidays and birthdays without him, and I can accept that, but I want at least one more of each. 

Oh, and we went to the Highland's parent's Cinco De Mayo party Saturday... holy shit, those parents know how to party! It was a rocking good time, and it was nice to get my mind off cancer for an evening.

That's all here......

Just logging the KB numbers

530 swings, alternating 8kg and 12kg. 

70 reps of a combo: swing, clean, swing, clean press, swing, switch sides. I counted each movement as one 'swing' for the sake of my counting. Those were all done with the 8kg.

Total reps: 600

Quick workout post

Logged in 50 minutes on the treadmill. I hate the treadmill, but too windy and pollen-y to walk outside! No food yet today, not hungry at all. 

Where the blisters are healed, sort of.

Swing day, finally. Outside, too (!!!!!!) - almost too warm. Well, it's only in the mid 70's, but when you're used to temps in the 40s and 50s, that's a frigging heat wave. My right blister is still a little tender, so I was very careful in regards to hand placement. I also noticed that my fingers on the same hand were a little achy trying to do the hook grip. No matter, I got it done. 600 swings, only with the 8 kg. I didn't want to push it in terms of my hands, so I went light. I'll ease back into the heavier over the next week. I did a minute on, a minute off, except the last set, where I did 2 minutes of swinging (I was so close to the end, I just didn't want to stop!) It felt good. I have noticed that for me, no matter my energy level, the first 200 swings are the hardest to get through. I always feel weak and unmotivated. But if I can push past that, I find that I get quite an endorphin rush that will carry me through whatever workout I want to do. 

We're going to Stroud's for dinner tonight. Oy. It's one of Dad's favorites, and soon he won't be able to eat anything, so we want to go now, while he still feels ok. It doesn't sound good to me at all. This zoloft has left me with little to no appetite. Even when I'm hungry, nothing ever sounds good, so I find myself eating a little of whatever just so the hunger pangs go away. I don't enjoy food like I used to... which is good and bad, for obvious reasons.  

Here's my Dad, after we shaved what was left of his gorgeous head of hair.... I love you, Dad.

Where I have super-human strength

One thousand swings, motherfuckers. Check out the blisters:

Ignore that I look like shit... BECAUSE I DID A THOUSAND GODDAMN SWINGS IN ONE WORKOUT. 

I am cooler than cool. I feel especially accomplished, since I haven't touched a KB since we found out about Dad. I wasn't sure about my strength level. But after a workout of 550 swings, I wasn't tired, and felt like i could do more, and thought: I'm more than halfway to 1000, how hard can it be? At 720 I wasn't sure I could do it. At 800 I had renewed strength. By 920 I had to do it two handed, my right hand was cramping up. I'm sure I'm going to be a little sore tomorrow, but it's worth it. What a great way to channel stress.

This is totally how I act when I work out: