I walked last night, as the temps were already dropping and it was nice. Felt almost like fall. Today I'd like to go to yoga, and have tomorrow as a swing day, but I'm not sure how the whole kid thing will play out - my Mom offered to take the kids, but you never know with her, she could renege at the last minute, as she is often prone to do.
Today was Addie's first day of preschool, and I had Dad for the 2 and a half hours she was gone. I feel bad complaining about it - I should relish all the time I can with him. But sometimes, I just want to be alone. That so rarely happens. I know that my 'free days' are not so well named - I will most likely have Dad every day, or face the pissyness of my mother. What can I do? The man is sick, bored, and has been abandoned by most of his friend who already have him dead and buried.
I took him to Andre's, where he used to take me after ballet class when I was a little girl. I'd pick out a pastry and we'd sit in the tea room and chat. It was hard to look at him today, in that familiar setting, as he struggled to get in and out of his chair, and shuffled so slowly back to the car. We talked politics (of course) and how Copeland is arguably the best American composer (they were playing 'Appalachian Spring' in the background). We had pastries and drank tea. We looked outside at the rain. I looked at him hunched over in his chair, smooth head with white fuzz growing in, and I tried to remember him 29 years ago in this same spot, young and sharp and witty.
We got Addie from school, and I made them both lunch. He's gone home now, and I have a few hours before it's time to get the boys. My house is seriously gross. I am not motivated to clean. I feel flat today, muted. I need to eat, but nothing sounds good. Alright, I'm off.....