Saturday, September 27, 2008

Where I can't stop crying

So, tell me what you think: 

You're already very self conscious about your midsection, having had 3 kids, one of which was nine pounds. You've put on a little weight, maybe a little puffier in the middle, but you know, you're trying. You work out more than anyone you know (in real life, anyway), kettlebells and yoga and walking. You may have a belly, but you're strong and have muscular arms and legs. You do your best to dress appropriately, no tight fitting items. And then...

After your own mother smacks you on the stomach in a nonverbal affirmation that you look like crap, she then asks if it's possible that you have a tumor in your midsection. Because you know, you're so BIG there. 

This is all totally true. I am not kidding. This is what I have to live with all the time. I feel like such an idiot, but I cannot seem to stop crying. I wanted to scream: I get it! I'm not thin enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough, or successful enough! I GET IT! I don't need to be reminded, because you've made sure I know all this FROM BIRTH. 

So, yeah, that's my day. I'm going to go walk to Westport, about 6-7 miles. Depending on my route, since I won't walk the way I would drive. I'm going to walk until I stop crying, until I'm not sad and mad anymore, until I feel like I'm good enough again.


Alpha Whale said...

Thats retarded, I'm sorry. No-one has any right (though positives are encouraged)to comment on the appearance of any other person, let alone in a detrimental mannerism let alone from your mother.

The only successful physically perfect specimens are the ones with the money to make their bodies as such, and the ones who do literally nothing with their lives.

Your mother seems clueless. I can't say I know you personally at all, but I do know that you are not your midsection nor your mother's parochialist society-induced views.

I hope you get over this (there is very little to get over, you are fine the way you are) and perhaps tell your mom what you think.

You are above this.

Twitter's PicPacPK

Christine said...

I wish my mother was clueless, because that would mean she doesn't mean to be so vicious. But unfortunately, it's all very calculated to be hurtful.

Feel better after walking (the Vibrams are the best for long walks)/ At least the crying stopped.

Thank you.....

Alpha Whale said...

Viciousness and cluelessness aren't entirely related. Calculated hurtful is vicious, her trying to make out that you are judged by how your physical appearance is is clueless.

(I still need some vibrams. KSO vs Sprint?)

Julie said...

I'm so sorry. you are beautiful and give so much to everyone else and bring joy to so many, and then to get slammed like that. :( You don't need that from anyone, let alone your MOM.

I hope the walking helped.

Love you!

Christine said...

Thank you. My mom says these things for reasons I can never fathom.... I guess it's just displaced anger. Sucks nonetheless.

I walked 5.4 miles, but it felt like longer!