I am becoming more at peace with it. I am beyond devastated, but this is the cycle of life. We know we're going to outlive our pets. I've let too many other pets go on too long, and then you're left rushing a cat into the ER with every organ system shutting down. Leo is not dying right this moment, but he's not well. I think we're a matter of a few months away from that point. I can't do that to him. He's downstairs right now, eating his third helping of tuna. All the kids have cuddled him today and told him they love him. I laid on the floor with him all afternoon (the only place he seems to be comfortable) and just cuddled him in the crook of my arm. When I actually take him, it will be awful. But I want it over with. The waiting is killing me. Henry asked me if Leo was going to heaven today, and I said no, tomorrow. He said "I wish it was yesterday". I understood the sentiment.
We've had a lot of conversations, me and the kids, about death and dying and the afterlife. About faith and knowing God's plan, about people and animals being gone from this Earth, but still here. We are all eternal beings, none of us really die. It's been a good dialouge to have with them, given my Dad's illness.
But it's still hard.
Think of me tomorrow, and send me strength.