conversations at midnight

"Is it hot up here, or is it just me?'
"It's just you."
"Do you have an extra pillow? Mine's too hot."
*silence*
"I know you have an extra pillow over there that you keep on reserve."
"Yeah, well, it's my extra one in case MY pillow gets hot or I need a bolster if my back hurts."
"Give me your pillow."
"Screw you, there's another one over by the computer desk."
*rustle rustle stomp flop sigh*
"This pillow sucks."
"It does not. Your pillow sucks. It's hard as a rock."
"Well, yours are all flat and cheap, it's like you seek out the flimsiest, cheapest pillows you can find."
"Fuck off, this here is a $60 pillow I'm using."
"Oh, is that the memory foam one? I haven't tried it."
*reaches over to touch pillow*
*slaps hand*
"Back it off! Mine!"

pause

"Leo, move over."
"Hey, he's already on my side of the bed, leave him alone."
"He's too hot. I don't want your big hot furry cat on me."
"Heh. That's the same reason I don't want to cuddle with you."
"What are you saying?"
"Just that you're unnaturally hot, and kind of furry."
"I'm FURRY?"
"Well, sort of."

* bed starts shaking uncontrollably*

"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?"
"I've got the giggles!"
"Jesus Christ, if you don't shut up, I will kill you."
*pokes my feet*
"STOP IT!"
"What?"
"Goddamnit, you know what! Great, now you made the cat leave!"
"I did not! Anyway, you can't prove it."
"See! You said I can't prove it! that's an admission of guilt!"
"I didn't do anything to your cat! (quietly) - not that you can prove anyway."
"You do know that I can kill you in your sleep, right?"

*another pause, then a ridiculous amount of laughing*

"What is so funny?"
"You realize that if we were to die tonight, and they looked at our computer, the last 2 searches I made were 'syphilis' and 'primordial dwarfism'"
"Uh - why?"
"I watched a movie about the Duke of Rochford, and his face fell off from tertiary syphilis"
"OK"
"And I watched that show about the littlest people in the world."
"Ok, why are you laughing?"
"Because now I have the giggles!"
"You are a retard."