Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Where I get a wake up call

This post by Tracy really spoke to me: . Especially this part:

"If someone asked me if I wanted to lose any weight, if I thought really hard before answering, my answer would be "Yea, a couple of pounds." A couple of pounds? What does that mean? Aren't I already there? I mean, a couple of pounds is really only a couple of days away, if I really wanted to. So I'm already there, in my range. So after thinking harder before my answer I would have to conclude that my answer is "NO, I'm perfectly within my range." But as soon as it gets to 5lbs., it easily becomes 10, and then...... So at 5 to 10 a person is soooo close to the range they want to be."

What am I doing? I do not have a large amount of weight to lose. I'd be happy with 5 pounds, ecstatic with 10. That's not a lot. So why am I fucking around with something that should only take a few weeks? No self control, no willpower, no followthrough. I know. I can see my faults and problems. I just am not sure how to overcome them.

I tightened up my calories yesterday. I was militant. I felt no self pity or sense of deprivation (this is a first). My attitude, for the first time ever, was "suck it the hell up. Quit whining about how you look and DO something about it!" I was pleased to see a marked difference on the scale today. I'm sure a lot of it was water weight (I normally don't drink enough, and guzzled the water yesterday). I also walked last night, even though I didn't really want to. I feel better today. Went to the Farmer's Market and got more heirloom tomatoes, striped eggplant, tiny little pear shaped yellow tomatoes, and blackberries. I'm thinking of using the eggplant on homemade pizza tonight (whole wheat crust, from scratch!) with the little tomatoes. I'm feeling really good with where I'm at with food right now. I have to get over the feeling of deprivation, that's the bottom line. I don't know if I'll succeed if I don't.

Addie has had one accident so far today, but she's still doing great. We went out this morning in undies, (yikes!) but she was fine. I think we're almost there!


Anonymous said...

I agree on one level but on another realize that for some reason, sometimes it is just sooooo much harder to get that last little bit done. With weight loss, my problem is that I never feel like I'm there and I never know when I'm done and it is always 5 more... totally unhealthy and I'm going to try to break that cycle this time and live with success once I get there though I'm not sure what that is going to feel like. I've a long way to go before I get to think about that yet though

christine said...

I've never lost the last of my baby weight (said baby is almost 3 now!) and carry it ALL around my midsection. My arms and legs are skinny, so often people think I don't need to lose weight. But 5 pounds would make a huge difference on my midsection!