Where I am in a mood, motherfuckers

Do you remember high school? Sure you do! The cliques, being made to feel inadequate and stupid. Trying to be friendly and having the cheerleaders shove you down a flight of stairs?

I have found that life doesn't evolve much past that. Oh, people grow up, they get jobs, they have families, but that core superiority - the judging, the cattiness, the ignoring... it's all still there. I see it every day in my neighborhood, there's a hierarchy that exists. I definitely deal with it at my son's school, where the botoxed and insanely wealthy Mission Hills Mafia run the school and decide who is and is not 'the right kind of mommy'.

I'm in a serious mood. I watched a documentary on Charles Bukowski last night. One of my favorite writers, but definitely not a good thing to watch when you're already down.

This poem just breaks my heart. The walls we all build up, fortresses to protect us from hurt.

'there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?'

-bukowski

Comments disabled for now. No offense to anyone and nothing personal, I'm just in my head now, and I don't need anything external coming in. I have a hard time writing honestly if I think about who's reading, and what they're thinking or may say. I can be more honest with myself if I just don't know who's out there.