Where I get irritated

Okay, the stupid place I take aerobics has screwed up yet AGAIN... this happened back in March, my ticket stopped scanning, and it took a few weeks to figure out why. Turns out they hadn't been taking out the automatic payment for about 3 months. So I gave them my info... AGAIN... also paying up through all of April. They told me it would start taking out the payment in May. So guess what! I go in yesterday, my first visit since before I got sick, and of course, my ticket doesn't work. They let me go anyway, I come home and check my bank, and lo and behold! No payment taken out for the month of May. Fuck. Off.

I've decided it's a sign. When I was there yesterday, I was looking around at all the women I've been seeing there since I started last November. A lot of them have been going for several years. Not one looked any different. And these are women who go 3 or 4 times a week! They're all still overweight, soft, and flabby. Maybe they're hearts are in good shape, after all, there's no such thing as bad exercise, but they didn't look toned.

So I'm done there. The only real advantage was that the kids loved the daycare, but that's not enough to keep me going back. I'm going to focus on Kbs and walking, and the occasional yoga routine when I feel tight.

I'm still working on the food thing. It's ongoing. I did indulge in a little ice cream last night, and damn, was it good! I didn't binge, so that was good.

Kb's today: 100 swings, alternating right and left in sets of 10 or 20. 10 each side snatches (trying to get the form down on this one - there's a small elbow bend towards the top that I haven't been getting. I reread the book, and it's described as a punching movement , which has helped me get it better) 10 each side clean and press - that was with the small KB. Then I did 10 deadlifts with the 35#, 30 swings (in sets of 10) and then switched back to the baby and did 40 more swings.

Total reps - 220.

Much weaker today. The deadlifts were brutal. A lot harder than I thought they'd be. On the heavier swings, I found myself losing form (and control) towards the end of the last set.
Why is it no matter how many reps I do, or how heavy I go, it doesn't feel like enough? My inferiority complex rearing it's ugly head again.

Today's feedback question is: should I purchase the 18# or the 26#? I'd like to work up to the 26# eventually anyway, so should I suck it up and get that? I don't want to outgrow another KB as quickly as I did this one. Thoughts?