The real reason I'm procrastinating my walk

Mendel thinks glasses are to be chewed on:

Must snuggle the cuteness:

Oh my god, I look completely insane. "KITTY!!!"

Where I post a gratuitous kitten photo

Mendel is getting big and is still fucking cute as hell. Even if he did give the other two old cats conjunctivitis. Did you know cats can get that? And new kittens can be carriers? And that they have to get drops in the infected eye 10 times a day and eat lysine off their food? Yeah, it's a pain in the ass, and Fred and Syds are miserable. Good thing Mendel is so cute!

Where I don't work out and get a new kitten

No KBs in a week. Not going to give excuses- I just didn't. When I had the option of swinging or watching TV or sleeping, what do you think I chose? Not swinging. A lot going on with Dad. He's either failing fast, or getting delayed reactions to the treatment. Hard to say, but it's been a rough week. Needless to say, this:

is giving me a lot of joy right now. He's about 3 months old, and we don't have a name yet, but we're leaning towards Murray. He's a little cuddle bug!

Crossing the Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. 

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. 
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. 
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. 

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. 
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. 

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. 

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. 

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... 

Rest in Peace, my sweet Leo. Until we meet again....

Where I dread tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day for Leo. 

I am becoming more at peace with it. I am beyond devastated, but this is the cycle of life. We know we're going to outlive our pets. I've let too many other pets go on too long, and then you're left rushing a cat into the ER with every organ system shutting down. Leo is not dying right this moment, but he's not well. I think we're a matter of a few months away from that point. I can't do that to him. He's downstairs right now, eating his third helping of tuna. All the kids have cuddled him today and told him they love him. I laid on the floor with him all afternoon (the only place he seems to be comfortable) and just cuddled him in the crook of my arm. When I actually take him, it will be awful. But I want it over with. The waiting is killing me. Henry asked me if Leo was going to heaven today, and I said no, tomorrow. He said "I wish it was yesterday". I understood the sentiment. 

We've had a lot of conversations, me and the kids, about death and dying and the afterlife. About faith and knowing God's plan, about people and animals being gone from this Earth, but still here. We are all eternal beings, none of us really die. It's been a good dialouge to have with them, given my Dad's illness. 

But it's still hard.

Think of me tomorrow, and send me strength.

Where I say goodbye

Dear Leo,

You have been a good cat. I still remember the first time I saw you, in a sea of adoptable kitties, there you were, the ugliest and orneriest one there. I pointed to you and said 'that one'. My then-husband said 'really? He's kind of ugly' - but there was something about you I just fell in love with. You have been a pistol from Day one. You are the alpha male of the house, you have ruled the roost, and been my little buddy. You have been a wonderful companion to me, and always seemed to know when I needed you to crawl up in my lap. I will miss having you to snuggle with at night, the way you would burrow your face into the crook of my neck and purr. I am going to miss you so much, it hurts. But it seems selfish to keep you alive, knowing how crappy you feel. I know you will go to a better place, where you will be a young cat again, and eat tuna all day, and there will be all manner of critters for you to chase. Hopefully, there will be a nice angel's lap to curl up in, too. I am going to make the most of these last few days with you, and give you a proper send off. You've been the best cat anyone could ask for, and I know that I will see you again, someday.

Love, Mommy

These tears I've cried

I've cried 1000 oceans

And if Im floating

In the darkness

Well I cant believe that I would keep

Keep you from flying

And I will cry 1000 more if thats

What it takes to sail you home

Sail you home sail you home