I thought of this quote from the Joy Luck Club while I was talking to my shrink today. I had an immense breakthrough in regards to me having no self worth, no self esteem. I never feel that my love, or friendship, or anything is as good as everyone else's. I don't know why. Maybe it's because my mother was the same. No matter how fast I run, how I high I jump, how perfect I try to be, I will fail. I do so much for people who don't deserve it, in hopes of being loved, being admired, being cherished as a friend. I do nothing for me. I don't typically see myself as having any worth at all. At what point do I walk away from the bullshit of my childhood and say 'enough'? Because I think I'm there. I think I'm done feeling like this.
170 x 1 x 10, 180/190/200 start holds, 20 kg swings 4 x 5/5, 24 kg swings 4
x 5/5, band pushdowns, rev bar curls
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Woke up really sore from the shitty reps on monday but learned a lot
1) SMALL JUMPS ALWAYS
2) HOLD THE BAR AS HIGH AS POSSIBLE
These cues worked great ...
8 comments:
I am glad to hear the session went well today. You are truly a wonderful person who deserves to get back what you give.
i'm totally there. dont tell my parents and the kids from high school but i think i'm over them...
Julie- how's your Mom doing? I think of you both everyday. Thank god for therapy, eh?
H- We can be pissy and antisocial together! Yaaaay!
It was the french food, I think. I'm glad you got there.
I will not see you tonight, but will have you guys out soon for swimming and drinking. Let me know when is good.
French people are assholes, so I guess eating French food would make you more ballsy? Less tolerant? Able to say 'Fuck everyone'? Whatever the case, I came home and napped with the kitten, Bryan took the kids to the park, the hose is quiet, and I am feeling not as bleak.
Atta Girl! Recognizing why is a giant step. Now recovery can begin. I'm still checking on you every day. If you write it, I will read it and think about you.
Sending out positive vibes down south to yah!!
Thanks, Amy!
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