Okay, well not really, but I have incredibly guilty over not exercising. Mainly because I know it will improve my mood and mental state. And yet, I still have done nothing. Swimming yesterday felt so good, and I came home feeling so relaxed, I decided I have to make at least a little time for me. I only did 320 swings, which is not a lot for me, but I stuck with mostly the 12kg, and did a fair number of snatches - 10 with the 12kg! Most volume I've been able to do with snatches in that weight! So I may feel weaker, but I think it's just a mental perception, rather than a reality. I probably could've done more, but I plan on swimming later this afternoon, so I figure I don't want to overdo it.
I'm supposed to make pies for a few friends, and I feel guilty that I haven't done it yet. Do you see my pattern of guilt at not being perfect? I feel it constantly. I'm trying to take tasks as I can, but I feel daily like I fall short. And being blown off by random 'friends' certainly does not improve my issues of self esteem and worthfulness. So where does that leave me? I don't know. Mostly sad and lost, but putting up a good front for the unwashed masses. Being the best Mom, Daughter, and Wife I can be. Carving out the miniscule time for me. Trying not to think about the future with my Dad. And that's about it.