Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Where I dust off my cast iron babies

My poor neglected kettlebells. They have been so sad and lonely. I think I hear them crying softly at night, and muttering Russian obscenities at me when I pass by carrying laundry. 

Okay, well not really, but I have incredibly guilty over not exercising. Mainly because I know it will improve my mood and mental state. And yet, I still have done nothing. Swimming yesterday felt so good, and I came home feeling so relaxed, I decided I have to make at least a little time for me. I only did 320 swings, which is not a lot for me, but I stuck with mostly the 12kg, and did a fair number of snatches - 10 with the 12kg! Most volume I've been able to do with snatches in that weight! So I may feel weaker, but I think it's just a mental perception, rather than a reality. I probably could've done more, but I plan on swimming later this afternoon, so I figure I don't want to overdo it. 

I'm supposed to make pies for a few friends, and I feel guilty that I haven't done it yet. Do you see my pattern of guilt at not being perfect? I feel it constantly. I'm trying to take tasks as I can, but I feel daily like I fall short. And being blown off by random 'friends' certainly does not improve my issues of self esteem and worthfulness.  So where does that leave me? I don't know. Mostly sad and lost, but putting up a good front for the unwashed masses. Being the best Mom, Daughter, and Wife I can be. Carving out the miniscule time for me. Trying not to think about the future with my Dad. And that's about it.

1 comment:

Amy said...

Nice! You swang and snatched. Now don't feel guilty anymore.

Hello. My name is Amy and I'm a perfectionist. After numerous panic attacks, I sought medical attention and am living one day at a time trying not to attain perfection in the eyes of others. It's a powerful addiction - the accolades of others. I don't know if it can ever be cured. If you find one, let me know!!