Monday, April 7, 2008

Where I feel slightly less optimistic

I really thought when I stepped on the scale today, I'd be down a pound. To my disappointment, I'm still steady at 135. This is usually the point where I say 'fuck it' and go eat a lot of sweets, but I'm trying to get my emotions in check, and just keep trying. I had to remind myself a few things:

~ I do feel better all around - I noticed a marked improvement in my energy level yesterday, and today I got up on my own at 6:45, felt ok, made breakfast and coffee, and wasn't rushed for a change. Most days, I can barely manage to drag my ass out of bed, and feel like crap.

~Even if the scale reads the same, I am definitely less bloated. My jeans fit better, and I don't feel chunky for a change.

~I have a long history of severe hypoglycemia, I was hospitalized several times from 5th grade to 7th grade while they tried to figure out what was wrong. I was taken off sugar completely then, and it was a health thing, not a weight thing (I was actually clinically anorexic at the time, I put half and half on my cereal in an attempt to gain weight!). This experiment is not only about weight for me, it's a health thing, too. It's about feeling better, more energetic, happier, and more patient with the kids and life in general. Do I feel these things so far?

Well, yeah! So I'm trying to regroup this morning and focus on that, and not that I didn't lose a pound. It's going to be a very stressful week, with a lot of not so great stuff going on within my family, and I need to feel good and NOT emotionally eat! 

I do think my calories may have been too low last night. I woke up at 2 am starving, and got up to have a rice cake and a few slices of ham. Then I woke up this morning, ravenous again! I had 2 slices of bacon, whole grain toast, and coffee with half and half and agave. I tried to do no sweetener, I really did! But I needed a little something. I stopped a the store this morning and bought some of the good heavy cream, so we'll see if that diminishes my need for sugar!

(I just went and poured myself a cup of coffee with the heavy cream. Wow, it's really good! I still needed a tiny amount of agave - maybe only a psychological need?- but nevertheless, I think this is going to be the key!)


Jenny said...

I know you're trying to do all natural, but have you tried a little splenda in your coffee? It might help to take the bitterness of the coffee edge, then as you get used to the difference you wean that down eve further.
I am having similar issues with food management right now, partially because of some meds (appetite stimulant) and I'm reading your thoughts here very carefully. :)
PS - You can drink, still right? Lets go for a drink.

Christine said...

I really hate splenda, it makes me gag. Agave nectar is great because it has a low glycemic index and actually tastes like sugar.

I'm telling you, I think there is a lot to the whole 'more sugar you eat, more you want it' thing. I'm feeling really pretty damn good. And you KNOW what a complete sugar maniac I am!

I'm doing red wine for now, so yes, let's go out! I'll come to your neck of the woods this time - just name a night! I don't have too much going on this week - thought Thursday I'll probably be tired from spending the day at KU Med with Tyler. Call me!