Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Where she tumbles down the rabbit hole

It's bad, y'all. She is spiraling faster, in insane loops, a total decent into madness. My brother, I am convinced, is as crazy as she is, but in a different way. Because he stays. Not only stays - but remains a passive onlooker as she tears this family apart, piece by piece. He shrugs his shoulders and looks away, too scared and disconnected to do anything to stop it. She is sinking fast, and pushing us away, and I am watching her drown. 

And I don't care.

I have always considered myself a compassionate person. I have always been the type to go out of my way for people, even someone I barely know. And yet, I feel nothing but anger. I cannot feel sympathy anymore. I found a letter I had written my brother in the fall of 2000, after her first serious breakdown, and I was astounded - I could've written it today. Nothing has changed. 

I'm telling him tonight that until she gets help, she is no longer welcome in my home or around my kids. I am done.

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