Thursday, July 26, 2007

It's flipping 4pm, and I STILL have not had a chance to swing today. A friend stopped by with the 2 kids she nannies for, and it was a nice surprise, but it threw off my entire day - they stayed about 3 hours. I have lost my 'groove' for the day. I just ordered the kids a pizza, and I am fighting the gloominess creeping in. I have no desire to celebrate my birthday tomorrow. It just means the entire family is together, and nothing good can ever come of that. And for about the last 5-6 years, my mom gets a flare up of diverticulitis ON my birthday. And I am always made to feel that it is my fault. This time, she offered last week to cook- and I flatly told her no, we typically don't do a family meal for the b-day thing, just cake. She insisted, and I swear, I just KNEW that this was going to turn into some perverse guilt trip to make me feel bad about the DAY I WAS BORN... and sure enough, I have endured about 4 separate phone calls of her crying, saying how bad she feels, and how she has SO MUCH TO DO FOR TOMORROW! Oh. My. God. I predicted it, I knew it would happen, and yet, it still catches me off guard.

I told Bryan that I am done with birthdays. Not kidding, this is the last birthday I celebrate. My family is seriously, that fucked up. I can take a lot of crap and guilt from them - at 35, I'm a pro at deflecting it - but this is just too much.


Jenny said...

Just think of the fact that its also Drew's birthday. He's seven. When you're seven, birthdays still rock. Not so much when you're 35. Too young for black napkins and paper plates, too old for bong hits.

Christine said...

Tell Drew I said happy birthday, the 27th is a rockin' day to be born!

I am continually astounded at what twisted ways my mom will find to make me feel like shit.

By the way - she found our yearbook from 3rd grade. Ha! I was looking mighty fine with those super tight braids (I look like a pinhead) and you had a vaguely Farrah thing going on with the feathers. Awesome!

Jenny said...

Oh.My.God. THere are no words.