Sunday, May 27, 2007

Where I sit down and take a memo

Dear Christine's Body,

It's been quite a month, hasn't it? You were sick a hell of a long time, and boy, did that suck ass! Then we had to deal with the whole Aunt Henri debacle, and the stress that put on ME just compounded the stress on YOU. Sucks to be us, eh? We both took all the stress as an opportunity for a full on binge-a-thon. The bowls of ice cream each night started to get exponentially larger and larger. Resembling more of a trough, rather than a bowl. We justified it, you and I, because we were sick! We felt like shit! We were taking care of everyone! We deserved a treat! True as that may be, things are smoothing out, and while we have been working out and slowly trying to get back to where you were 6 weeks ago, the food thing has not changed.

Dinner and drinks last night with the girls was your last hurrah, stomach. How was that pate? Did you like the champagne and rich pasta and mussels? How about that scrumptious dirty vodka martini? Oh, yes, it was fantastic! How'd you like the number on the scale this morning? No, the scale doesn't need new batteries. We are simply slowly creeping back up towards fat-assedness again. It is time to reign it in. I'm not saying I want to full on deprive you, we both know that Murray's made your favorite flavor this week, and there is a half gallon of Frigitte Bordeaux waiting to be picked up. But, instead of sitting down with the half gallon and a spoon, how about some moderation. It will not kill you to have a tiny scoop instead of bath tub full. Also, your consumption of fresh fruits and veggies has been deplorable. Quit acting like a spoiled 2 year old, you know how you should be eating! It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure that out!

And for my part, I will not encourage you to eat just because I'M having a stressful day. I will not whisper to you that the calories don't count if no one's looking. I will refrain from such rampant pie baking (unless family is coming over to help eat it.) I take full responsibility for the buttermilk pie-for-breakfast debacle of this morning. You just wanted coffee, but I insisted on pie, I know, I'm at fault too.

So, tomorrow is a new day. We will give away pie today and go for a walk. Sound good?

Love, Christine's Psyche

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