Okay, so Kettlebells: 600 reps (!!!) Gymboss one minute on, one off. Amy, I took your advice and mixed the weights in each set - about half (20) with the 16 and another half (another 20) with the 12. I did a few sets of those, then alternated full one minute sets of the 12, then the 16. Yowch. I did, I think, 2 sets of C&P (double 8) and 2 sets (or was it 3?) snatches. I think I average 20 reps per minute with each of those. Last 150 swings were all 12kg. I have been experimenting with how it feels to swing two handed vs. one handed, singles transfers vs. swinging 5 or 10 reps per arm before transferring. Also, the 2 8kg are (obviously) the same weight as the one 16kg, but the weight is distributed differently. I'm starting to notice how my body works differently and other, subtle muscles I may not have been aware of (or had!) are used, depending on weight, number of reps, which arm, how long, etc. I'm feeling a stronger connectedness with my body that I haven't felt in a long time. I think being comfortable in your own skin is a really difficult point to reach. I have struggled for years with feeling not good enough, strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough. It's only been in these last few months of Dad being sick that has brought me to a deeper understanding of who I am.
I'm not talking the attitude one gets when they feel they don't belong, so they say 'well, screw all of them!' I mean a true level of acceptance that not everyone has to like you. All that matters is that YOU like you! Maybe it's my reprioritizing with having a parent with cancer. Maybe it's the wisdom of getting older. But I find lately, that despite the emotional hurricane I have been struggling with, I feel a certain amount of peace. People don't call me, I don't see anyone, nothing has changed in that regard, but what HAS changed is how I see it. I spend a lot of my free time with my Dad, and that's the most important thing right now.