Friday, August 1, 2008

Where I follow my own advice

So, people visiting? Not so good for making proper eating choices. That great 130 number I saw on the scale? Yeah, gone in a few days. All it takes is 4 days of not working out and eating crap and voila! I'm up 4 pounds. I'm pretty sure some of that is water - I ate an unbelievable amount of sodium, and I usually keep my sodium pretty low. But in any case, as Tracy has said, and I have repeated, a few pounds is just s few days away, if you really put your mind to it. So it's back to the grindstone, and 390 reps tonight with the 12kg. 

Things are up down around here - the visit with my cousin was utterly exhausting. She's a talker and very high maintenance. The last thing I needed were more people to take care of. It wasn't the most fun, and the day after they left (yesterday) I literally spent in bed. And I have family coming next week, family I love, but it's still work for me nonetheless. 

Dad's cancer appears to be on the move again, and he'll be starting chemo possibly next week. The kids go back to school in 2 weeks, and I feel generally totally overwhelmed. I can't think of a lot to say, so I'm going to repost my most recent blog from Dad's site, because it really expresses where my head is at these days.

Last night, I got a much needed night out with some of the Moms from Henry's school. I actually PLAYED cards, and for those of you who know me well, you know my love of cards runs about as deep as my love of NASCAR, football, and cuddling. Which is to say, not at all. However, I actually caught on and had a lot of fun. I felt totally socially inept, as I have been in seclusion for several months, but as the night wore on, i remembered how to talk to people and not sound like a complete moron. 

I stopped at the liquor store in the Village to pick up wine on the way to Krissie's house, and noticed, out on the sidewalk, about 20 or so ginkgo leaves scattered around. I looked to see if there was a tree nearby, but couldn't find one. Ginkgo trees have often been called living fossils, as they existed some 200 million years ago throughout what is now North America. They died out during the ice age, and were thought to be extinct when in 1691 they were discovered in Japan and southern China, and subsequently brought back to Europe. They are an especially hardy tree, planted around Japanese temples because it was believed they would protect against fire. 

On August 6, 1945, our country dropped a bomb, code named 'Little Boy,' on the city of Hiroshima. The city was decimated, and tens of thousands of people were literally incinerated. And yet, despite the scorched earth and devastation, four ginkgo trees survived. Though burnt and branches toppled, in the weeks and months after the blast, they all began to form buds. As a result, the Japanese call the tree 'The Bearer of Hope.' 

My father's cough is back, and worse than before. He is at the doctor right now, getting an X-ray, but they are pretty sure it's the cancer returning with a vengeance. He will probably have to start chemo sooner than we had thought, and may be unable to take his trip to St. Louis with the IRES group. My Dad is very sick, and most likely dying, but I can't give up hope. I can only think of the trees that they thought were dead, when all along, new life was sleeping inside. There is still life inside my Dad, there is still a fight to be had. I know not all battles fought can be won, but when any of us know it's our time to go, don't you want to die knowing you gave it the good fight? 

3 comments:

Amy said...

How are you doing woman? I hope you're finding some time for yourself and for enjoying your family, especially your dad. I still check on you every day.

I like the Twitter updates. They make me smile!

Christine said...

I'm mostly just here... Dad is sleeping on the couch right now. I think it's safe to say he is truly dying. I'm alternating between numbness and sheer terror. Nada on the workouts, and I don't care so much right now. I find that there isn't a lot I care about anymore. But thank you so much for checking in. Isolation is in overdrive these days....

hillary said...

oh man. hows your mom? i can only imagine the stress. thinking of you...