Thursday, March 27, 2008

Where I get in a pissy mood

Here's the thing: I get really irritated when I feel like my life is full of one-sided friendships. I am sick of being the one to do all the calling, plan the get togethers and whatnot. So I am done for now. I sound childish, I know, but really, do not give me the 'busy' speech. Because, really? I was a single mom juggling three jobs and a crappy life and I still maintained my friendships. So suck it. Hard.

There's a mom from Henry's school that I had really felt like I connected with. We hung out a lot, talked on the phone all the time, and then one day, it stopped. It was after this incident. I expected her to stand by me. I expected her to side with me. Because everyone else did, people I barely knew came up to me and asked if I was alright. But in the immediate aftermath, it was unclear if people were going to support me or not. I wasn't sure if I had gone too far, been too harsh. And this woman - my friend- very clearly stood back and waited to see where the chips would fall. She started to pull away, to backtrack on things she had said about the crazy couple. Her husband - who very obviously has never liked me-  kept advising her to 'stay out of it'. Even though she was already so far in it. 

Believe me, I am listening to myself type this and I am appalled that this is what my life has been reduced to. I have prided myself for years as not being a mom that gets into this infighting shit at school. It's just so.... totally ridiculous. But I can't say I'm not hurt. It's very hurtful. There's a lot of other little things, too. Moms night out things she left me out of. Activities my kid wasn't included in. It's shitty. It pisses me off. I am too fucking old for this high school shit. 

Just needed to vent. I'm off the swing. I'm shooting for 500 today. We'll see.

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